What causes children to stop communicating with their parents during their growing up?
I remember when I was very young, my mother was afraid I would catch a cold, so she would bathe me in very, very hot water.
Every time my mother will use the hand to try the water temperature and then put me into the bath. The hot water of course can not burn people, but for the delicate skin, half the body to soak in the water for children, the water temperature really hurt and pain.
By that time I could talk, and I protested to my mother more than once, "The water is too hot." However, my mother was always indifferent, every time said: "I do not think it is hot and it will become cool after wash some time."
Again and again , my words are useless, and the bath water is still so hot, I don't say it any more, just feel that bath is really a painful thing.
Then one time, my mother put me in the shower basin, the water was very hot again, actually I have been accustomed to it. But that time the water is really too hot, I thought of my mother will use a towel with hot water wet my whole body, I feel very frightened. Then I automatically imagine a scene in my mind, I told my mother that the bath water was too hot, my mother said it was not hot, continue to give me a bath, all i could do was defer to her.
I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how to change all this. I felt that my usual advice to my mother would be rejected. Finally, I broke down, crying. My mother confused, hurriedly asked me what happened. I cried and said: "The bath water is too hot!" My mother said, "Is it worth crying about?" Get me some cold water at once.
She would never understand how many times I had endured boiling hot bathwater as a child, how hard it was for me to take a bath, how much my heart struggled that day, how much my thoughts struggled, how helpless it was to explode.
Ever since then I've had the idea in my head that crying works better than talking. If you don't cry, parents will think that what you say is not very important. Parents don't care much about what you say. They will only force you to accept their views and actions. Only when you protest effectively, they will pay attention to you.
Small, helpless and pitiful infants and young children's most effective form of protest to their parents is to cry, but what about strong, thoughtful, well-informed teenagers? Similarly, when the children want to communicate with their parents, the parents' behavior makes them feel that the communication is invalid and meaningless, and the parents just want to force them to obey, then of course they will not want to communicate with their parents any more.
Parents sometimes don't understand their children's abnormal behavior, don't understand why they are like that, blame them for not being willing to communicate with them. How to communicate? the child said many times, the bath water is very hot!