Communicate kindly and firmly with your child

Communicate kindly and firmly with your child

Before taking a nap, Little Mango told me that he wanted to play with snowflakes for a while before going to bed. I agreed, and after watching him pour out the puzzles and start playing, I went to mop the floor.

When I dragged it to his side, I found that he was focusing on fighting and didn't notice me. Continuing to drag in another room, I suddenly heard his voice calling me as he ran to this room: "Mom, mom, phone." I didn't hear the phone ringing, and I felt strange in my heart. Turning around, he found that he had made a phone call out of puzzle. He couldn't help but let out a "wow" and exclaimed, "This phone is so beautiful. How did you spell it? I never knew how the phone was spelled like this. ." This admiration is sincere, I really can't spell the phone. What amazes me even more is that the last time I played with puzzles, he didn't know anything, but only helped me to form two, two or three or three, and then I made a pattern. After just over a month, he was able to design and spell it out by himself.

How can you not call me admiration? He smiled and said, "I just know how to fight." After that, he ran back to fight another shape. About ten minutes later, my phone's alarm clock rang. Ten minutes ago, I asked for his opinion. One is to set an alarm clock and I go to bed as soon as the alarm goes off; the other is to set no alarm clock and I go to bed as soon as I finish. He chose the former. No, the alarm clock went off. I reminded him to go to bed. He pouted and said, "But, Mom, I want to do something else before going to bed." I sank and came again. Before each nap, he would change the pattern to delay the time to sleep. For example, I play with toys for a while first, I watch an episode of animation first, I make a picture first, I am hungry, I want to go to the toilet, the water of the fish is dirty and needs to be changed, and the flower is thirsty and needs to be watered... I was about to open my mouth to say to him as usual: You just said you would go to bed as soon as the alarm went off, and now that the alarm goes off, you have to keep your word. Otherwise, you are lying. 

Usually, he will have two reactions. 40% of the time, he will go to bed obediently under moral pressure; 60% of the time, he will persevere: I won't sleep if I don't sleep, if you don't play with me, I won't sleep. In the latter case, I would just put him on the bed and cover the quilt, and he would be tired and fall asleep after a while.

But this time, the words came to my mouth, and I swallowed them back. Some words from educational books I read recently started to whisper in my mind. Then, five words popped out of my mind - kind and firm. "Be kind" means that I have to accept him and his ideas first. So, I first asked, "What do you want to do?" He said, "I want to listen to a nursery rhyme." I nodded, and then asked, "Mom still doesn't know, what kind of nursery song do you want to listen to?" He Answer: "It's the children's songs on 'Cowboy Star' , there are many children's songs, have you forgotten?" Me: "Oh, I remembered. You like listening to those children's songs. Mom wants to follow you too. Listen to the above nursery rhyme together..." He looked at me expectantly. "firm" means I want to make it clear that I don't agree that now is a good time to live up to his expectations. "But, we agreed to go to bed when the alarm went off. And it's almost three o'clock. Can you think of a better way? How can you do the 'speak and do it' and hear the nursery rhymes Is that okay?" He thought for a moment, then said cheerfully: "I think about it. Then I'll listen to the nursery rhyme tomorrow!" I sincerely praised: "Wow, this method is really good. How did you come up with it? How could I? Didn't want to come out?" He smiled and took the initiative to climb into the bed.

I throw the question to him and let him think. But I really didn't expect him to come up with such a really good solution so quickly. In fact, usually, I would also say, "We can do this when you wake up." But the same words coming out of my mouth have a completely different effect than those coming out of his mouth. He was furious when I said it. He was happy when he said it. Thus, the first step in communication is to accept the child and his ideas, even if they run counter to yours. On this basis, express your views clearly to the child, the effect may be better.

Back to blog

Author: Steven Ting

Cofounder of www.cykapu.com, father of two children. As a man over 30, only write the thing i am interesting in.