What kind of knowledge do you have that your world will be different immediately after you know it?

1. Proactively communicate and praise more

It is your relationship that determines what a person thinks of you. I had a nice female friend when I was in college, and I always found that the world we live in is different when going out to play with her. At that time, I was still in the angry youth. I think the reason why she is easy and difficult is because: we are more willing to help beautiful girls. Later, I strengthened some boys, and they were a little simpler, and I realized that I lacked one of their qualities: active communication.

But at the time, I prided myself on being high-minded and disdainful of these interpersonal skills. Later, after self-reflection, I realized that this is not integrity, but narcissism. I used to have some kind of unrealistic fantasy. I sat in the library with a focused attitude, with a large stack of large books in front of me, which always attracted girls with rich connotations. This illusion comes from a kind of narcissism, unwilling to give, thinking that good narcissism can be favored by others, just lie to myself, unless I look like Tony Leung, otherwise others will not have the time to read the book in front of me. thick.

I began to try to let go of my humble self-esteem, communicate more with others, communicate more equally, and stop unrealistically imagining that the other party is deeply attracted to me, and the difficulty of the world is decreasing. I would take the initiative to chat with my aunt when I was having dinner in the cafeteria. After a few times, she could get to know me, and I found that I had more meals.

Because I got up late in the morning, the cafeteria was open at 7 o’clock, and I only got up at 8 o’clock. Every time my aunt kept me food, I used to be hungry in the morning, just because I once chatted with my aunt about my family. The situation has changed. At that time, I lived on the mountain without TV and internet. I was very boring. I would go down the mountain to play at night. The reason I was able to go down the mountain was that I was able to play chess with the guard at that time and complained to him that it was boring. He told me that I could go down the mountain to play at night. Come back before 10 o'clock, he helps me keep the door.

Active communication can really reduce the difficulty of life. Don't express your needs as soon as you come up. After you get familiar, the other person is naturally willing to trouble yourself for you. Everyone likes to make money for themselves. Praise is the easiest way to build a relationship. Go to the shop selling quiche and praise him for the delicious quiche. Maybe she will make it bigger for you after a few words. Complimenting the beauty of middle-aged women, the tenderness and attractiveness of young girls, the maturity of boys, and the patience of elders for themselves, just a simple sentence can make your world very different. More and more experiences have made me truly realize that what determines a person's attitude towards you is not who you are, but your relationship.

2. Identify your role

People often ask me, why do you have such a good relationship with your teacher? Are you better at flattering? Yes, I'm really good at flattering, but I think the more important thing is that I know that I am a student, and the teacher-student relationship is good, which means that the teacher-student relationship is good.

The requirement of students is to respect knowledge and love learning. As long as this is achieved, the relationship with the teacher will not be bad. I think what distinguishes a person's maturity is the ability to find one's own position. If you play cards with a few friends, you must win, you must show your own intelligence, and cooperate with others. If others make mistakes, you will complain. Everyone is friends. Playing together is nothing more than a fun. If you are not sure where you are, always I want to show my excellence and always want to be praised by others. Few people are willing to play with you.

Leaders dare not speak in meetings, because they are afraid that colleagues will feel compelled. Meetings are between superiors and subordinates. If they communicate with the same level, they need to express their views. The complexity of life is that sometimes your roles will conflict. If you try to play your main role well and be at ease with the secondary role, life can become a lot easier.

3. Anxiety comes from your imagination. Others have no presupposition of you, and the presupposition is given to yourself by you.

There is often a small activity in the course of positive psychology: standing on the stage, shouting in front of the classmates, letting go. If you have had such an experience, you must have a very magical experience: I sit down, thinking that I will go up later, and I am very nervous. I am worried that I will not be able to yell at that time, and the less nervous I think about it. But when I really stood on it and let go of yelling, I found that it was actually different from what I thought. When I was able to focus on myself yelling out, my anxiety subsided.

A psychological experiment: a group of volunteers told them to experience discrimination, made scars on their faces, and then scattered them in every public place, and asked them to talk about the experience when they returned at night. Many people say that they have suffered discrimination, but in fact, when they went out, the staff used makeup as an excuse to wipe off their scars. Anxiety about the outside world comes from your own perceptions of yourself, which can distort the true information you receive from the outside world. We are anxious and interpersonal. Most of us feel that we are not good enough or good enough. In fact, others don't think you should be good.

4. Find what you want.

We often say that high-quality men and women know how to respect others. They are not easy to get angry and do not force others. They are gentle and gentle. These do not come from having higher endurance and higher emotional intelligence with them, but they don't care.

Bruce the Great was extremely brave, and the elders besieged Caesar. He stood like a god of war until he saw his wife in the assassination crowd, and he was disappointed to put down his weapon. Even the best people become vulnerable when they encounter something they care about. And the best way to stop caring about the outside world is for you to avoid the outside world, but to find what you really work hard for and care about.

In my consulting experience, visitors have the biggest changes in two stages:
1. Accept the status quo, his anxiety will be significantly reduced

2. When he finds what he wants, his depression begins to subside, and his life becomes active. When he can find that the client has found what he wants, consultation has become easy.

In fact, you don’t need to envy those positive people. It is impossible for you to imitate them. The answer to how to do it is in your heart. Many people will ask, I just don’t know what I want, what should I do? The first word of the sentence to find what you want is to find. Whenever you are tired of finding what you want, tell yourself: I am giving myself a chance.

5. One feeling can only be replaced by another

What will you do when you find a little girl crying in front of you? Men usually tell a joke and give a lollipop, hoping to replace her crying with happiness. Women generally hug her tenderly, ask her what's wrong, and give her comfort and comfort.

We know how to deal with sadness, but we never use it to ourselves. When you are sad, you don’t know that the best way is to go out and have fun and find something happy to do. You don’t know that you need to comfort yourself and encourage yourself. We always force ourselves not to be sad. Should cheer up.

Most of the way you treat yourself is very violent, like a little girl crying, you go up and say to her fiercely: Don't cry! If I cry again, I'll hit you! How can this way keep that little girl from crying? How can such a way make my sadness subside? Sadness and pain cannot be suppressed, but you can replace him with another feeling.

6. Don't expect someone to understand you and lower your expectations of the world

I used to suffer because I think this world is so beautiful and I am so unfortunate. The reason why I am at peace now is because I know that the world itself is very vicious. Someone treats me well and some praises me. I have earned it. Others will not understand me and have no obligation to understand me, including my parents. I have no reason to hate them and let others understand that I am my own business, but anyone who wants to understand me should be grateful. The world is bad, and I am happy.

7. Free time from suppressing your desires to how to release your desires reasonably

I often receive some private messages, such as: I masturbate all the year round and can't quit, what should I do? I like to spend money arbitrarily, and I can't help myself to visit Taobao, what should I do? Repressing one's own behaviors and desires again and again, and blaming and suffering from being unable to suppress again and again, is not because you have insufficient willpower, but the method is wrong.

The reason why you are obsessed with masturbation and spending money is because your life itself is too boring! A boring life, masturbation and shopping are the only ways to release dopamine, and we will be obsessed with this happiness. But this kind of happiness has a price. If you want to stop this kind of behavior, you are actually stopping this kind of happiness. At this time, your enemy is yourself. If you hit yourself, most of your subjective initiative cannot be mobilized.

When I was young, I liked to eat oranges, but the oranges got angry and I couldn’t eat more, but I couldn’t control it. Later, my father bought lychees. This is really sweet, so I didn’t want to eat oranges and started to eat lychees, but lychees are expensive and you can’t eat more. But I can't control it. After that, she and Erya invented two people who played home games naked and didn't have time to go home to eat lychees every day after school.

You cannot control the libido released by desire satisfaction. The reason you need to control is because simply satisfying yourself is too costly. What you need to control is your behavior and seek other more reasonable ways to satisfy your desires. Instead of controlling yourself every day, don’t steal your neighbor’s underwear and masturbate, it’s better to study hard, cultivate quality, make more money, make yourself better, and find a wife to go home and various cosplays. Once there are other events in our lives that can release dopamine, we won't be obsessed with the costly dopamine.

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